I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
