i would punch a child for taco bell
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
