just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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