Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
