ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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