Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
