we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
