so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My balls are so social today.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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