My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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