Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
