i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
