Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
