Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
