shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize