i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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