he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
