dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize