I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
