Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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