P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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