I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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