Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
