awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
