So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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