dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
