New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The best revenge is premature balding
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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