Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
