i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
