Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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