All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
