Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
