the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
