The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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