so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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