all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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