Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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