I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
