If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
