He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
