Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
