Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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