I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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