so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
