She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
