some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
