woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
