You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
