wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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