Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
