I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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