The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
