I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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