I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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