i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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