check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
