Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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