I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
