Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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