yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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