I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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