Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
