What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
