i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
