For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
