I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
