wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
