No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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