I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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