peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I AM VODKA MAN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
