Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
