I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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