Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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